Saturday, January 2, 2016

The staggered reality of what my life is.

 I'll admit that a lot of things are different then what I originally had planned. I'll admit that I miss blogging like I used to the most.  A lot of drama in my life has happened and I probably ended up burning some bridges with a few tea companies I had connections with as well.

But this post isn't really about giving an explanation about lack of reviews and such. Let's just say that that's been stalled because life hasn't been kind to me in the last few years.

But anyway... 

I recently discovered I had sciatica, due to a rare muscle formation near my spine. The pain is unbearable most of the time, and I often can't move much if at all, and I sometimes end up spending entire days in one spot because it's such a horrible pain. Mundane things, such as getting myself some water, or simply going to the bathroom are extremely challenging and painful. I do have pain medication, strong ones, too but all they do is make me sleep non-stop and the pain is still there.

What's really draining me though, is how much help I need just to do basic stuff. I constantly feel worthless, and as if my life has now been just a challenge of trying to minimize how much pain I feel while just trying to survive the day. I feel less like I'm living and more like I'm just trying not to die. I am a burden on the people I live with and a burden on my friends.

All of these things are making my depression really hard, I didn't leave my bed till almost 10pm yesterday. I haven't slept in over 70 hours.

I just wanted all of you to know that this is what's been going on in my head.


  1. You aren't, and never have been a burden to me. I love you and you make me happy every day. You can make me smile even on the worst days, and you always know how to make me feel better when even I don't. I wouldn't want to spend any part of my life without you, this pain you've been going through is terrible. I can tell just by looking at you, but we'll find a way to manage

    1. it. I'm sure there must be something that will help.